Tobias Kwan
I pretend that I'm an athlete while fighting crime in Philadelphia.
"I don’t know about other people, but when I wake up in the morning and put my shoes on, I think, Jesus Christ, now what?"
Charles Bukowski
(Source: henrycharlesbukowski)
8 am on
A Thursday morning
Standing by the curb in Camden City
Someone once said
That the city was great
And that the streets were full of
Honest people, the kind that paid
The bills on time and spent their nights
Reading about what was going on
In the world in the local paper
Those days are long gone
And I’m not sure if you know but
They sure as hell won’t be back
Any time soon
I’m standing around and
I consider myself out of place
As if I were better than this lot
A breed less seen on these streets
But I shouldn’t fancy myself
Such a winner,
Considering the pit that’s building
At the bottom of my gut churning
Stomach acid together with
Last nights burrito
At least they’ve got confidence
They aren’t standing here
With restless eyes
While I’m swaying back and forth
Desperately trying to keep
The sickness at bay
Somedays it gets so cold that
My fingernails buzz with
A numbing sensation that spreads from
Those tips to my face and I can even
Feel the desperation in my hair
As if it were ablaze
Two bums stand at arms length away
And they don’t see that I’m undergoing
A chemical reaction and
That I’m spewing sulfur fumes
They don’t get that I’m a light breeze
Away from an implosion because
They’re two busy talking about
Sticking needles in their arms
And how they need to measure out
The proper dosage
“Some nights it gets the worst,”
The fat one said, “I’ve been up
Since 9 yesterday morning”
Funny,
I know the feeling
Too many days are spent as if I’m
Watching my life unfold behind
A dying television set and I can’t
Adjust the screen to find new life
Or new confidence
All that’s left is darker hues and
Discolored faces that taunt me
Saying,
Jake, it’s been a few days since
You thought about hanging yourself
And I know that you had a great time
Yesterday with your curly haired girl
But it’s time to get back to work
It’s time for you to start rotting again
I thought about walking into traffic
But the bus is here and dying would
Make me late for work
And I don’t even have the energy
Needed to slice my skin
Yeah, I said it before
I’m a rare breed on these streets
A real god damn winner
Standing at attention,
Waiting
Patiently
To explode
And end this tragic game of waiting
"Beware those who seek constant crowds; they are nothing alone."
Charles Bukowski (via henrycharlesbukowski)
I suppose like others
I have come through fire and word,
love gone wrong,
head-on crashes, drunk at sea,
and I have listened to the simple sound of water running
in tubs
and wished to drown
but simply couldn’t bear the others
carrying my body down three flights of stairs
to the round mouths of curious biddies;
the psyche has been burned
and left us senseless,
the world has been darker than lights-out
in a closet full of hungry bats,
and the whiskey and wine entered our veins
when blood was too weak to carry on;
and it will happen to others,
and our few good times will be rare
because we have a critical sense
and are not easy to fool with laughter;
small gnats crawl our screen
but we see through
to a wasted landscape
and let them have their moment;
we only asked for leopards to guard
our thinning dreams.
I once lay in a
white hospital
for the dying and the dying
self, where some god pissed a rain of
reason to make things grow
only to die, where on my knees
I prayed for LIGHT
I prayed for l*i*g*h*t,
and praying
crawled like a blind slug into the
web
where threads of wind stuck against my mind
and I died of pity
for Man, for myself,
on a cross without nails,
watching in fear as
the pig belches in his sty, farts,
blinks and eats.
-Charles Bukowski